confident

so here i am wandering around below the equator lookin' like Bob Dylan
got the Southern Cross over my shoulder
toucans and snakes and monkeys swinging from the branches above
colors erupting from the ground
tropical birds filling my ears

and i'm thinking: hey, wow, look where i am.
look what i'm doing/seeing/feeling/being/hearing
i'm hiking along a trail that i've never been down
i'm talking to people i will never talk to again
i have opened a door to a population i couldn't know before

lots of firsts here.

it's hit the point where you hurtle - full tilt - into it. i'm here and i'm content.
well-rounded and excited
exploring what's out there.


today i saw a green snake with a greener head, winding its tense, meter-long body up a tree.
you don't see that everyday.

i am finally comfortable here.
i am really very comfortable... well, besides the heat.
but even that, my skin is adjusting to, turning dark to keep the rays off

soon, though, i expect i will melt
be molded right into the burning asphalt.
part of me will get stuck here.
funny thought.

you get a lot of funny thoughts in Paraguay,
like thinkin about how maybe when you're older you'll dream bigger
or maybe you should just go ahead and buy that truck tire

or something like that.

that's how it is here,
at least,
that's how it is here,
for me.

The Paraguayan Circus: An Ode To Paraguay

This country is a Circus, to put it simply.

The tent was designed by none other than Dr. Seuss himself - the plant life is utterly whimsical: There are bushes with fluffy pink "monkey tails" protruding from them, pompom trees, and the scale of everything is cartoon.

The acts in this circus are as exciting as any:

• a herd of horses chasing a stray dog around the neighborhood
• an albino ostrich hanging out, blinking up at you with its beady eyes

The personalities are just as spectacular:

• "El Loco" who wanders the streets barefoot, walking his imaginary pet
• or the gym-class teacher transvestite, which in itself not necessarily noteworthy other than the interesting fact of being genderless in a culture which every single word has a gender
• or how about the dare devil moto drivers and their death defying stunts - zipping through traffic of buses 50x their size?

In this place it's hard to believe in any other reality than that which is Paraguay. Its timing - comic or not; its paradoxes and sheer randomness keep the mind thoroughly occupied.

I am slowly beginning to realize that, though I may sometimes be under the illusion that I finally may be getting what is going on, I don't.

This country, though, is not interested in being understood necessarily, so much as just being itself, which it achieves beautifully. Full marks for originality and uniqueness.

To the country who for all the abundance of the Garden of Eden doesn't like its fruits or vegetables; who insists on drinking boiling hot beverages in body heat temperatures, so hot the rabbits give up breeding.

To the country where construction workers work barefoot, but you always have to wear flip flops inside because the floors are too filthy.

I am slowly adjusting to dogs with testicles and monkeys in trees...

Question marks are a must in Paraguay. Perhaps that is even why the Spanish language includes two: ¿? One just wasn't enough.

It is a fantastic place, and the more comfortable I become here, the more idiosyncrasies I come to treasure. There is nothing quite like this. Not even Barnum and Bailey could boast Paraguay's oddities.

"When you see the Southern Cross for the first time/"

Hmmm hmmm.
I have begun my work as a farmer in South America.

Physically it is the most rewarding thing to do. I love the hard, dirt-y, work... hoe-ing (which, being the only English speaker for miles, I find quite funny), pulling up love-carrots intertwined together in their gloriously orange bodies, shaking the dirt off the lechuga, and picking the blossoms of the chamomile flowers for seeds... the list goes on.
I spend six hours a day in the bright, heavy, Paraguayan sunshine gathering vegetables for the cocina or their little store stationed at the bus stop along the Trans Chaco Highway, or taking care of the gardens/fields as needed. I have also begun practicing what I refer to as "Garden Yoga". =] Isolating my muscles as I work in the garden... it helps the back and legs and arms, and I'm not sore, like I was in the first week of physical labor.

Linguistically I am understanding 99.7% of the Spanish, and coming up with some lovely phrases in return - though the local vocabulary isn't very broad... I think this is a result of not many literary resources as well as a fluency in both Spanish and Guarani, leading to a sort of Sparani - "spar"ce being the key sound. They say "que te gusta mas" instead of "tu favorito", for example.. but this makes my job easier, since I don't have to know as many words. I am still, however, developing a bigger vocabulary through my Spanish books/dictionary (I am in love with words), and hopefully soon I will be reading novels in Spanish!! This is my goal, anyways.

Emotionally I have realized some things:
I was at a party another AFSer living in Asuncion had this weekend... and after talking to the other kids here I noticed "this one is not like the other" - as the song goes. I thought something was wrong with me mainly for two reasons: I have been experiencing some serious loneliness and I have not had any "culture shock".
What I've realized is that most people are not as blessed as I am in their friends/families. This is their opportunity to branch out and become/be who they are. I do that already, so now the question is: What is this experience for me? I am still pondering this and have yet to come to a decision. I have decided, however, that I am going to make the most of this. I am one month down, ten more to go!

I am still enjoying my family immensely, and I loved getting those letters from everyone back home! Please continue to send me mail - I will write back I promise!! =]

todo de mi amor
ZZ